August 13, 2019, 4:35 p.m. | Updated: August 13, 2019, 4:39 PM
A thorough and in-depth exploration and dissection of classical music imagery in archival photography.
We really love it when someone picks up a musical instrument to play, but if you fall asleep on your violin bridge, you’re probably wrong…
Somewhere in a parallel universe is a world where classical music and stock photography exist in sweet harmony. Not this universe, though.
Here’s a comprehensive guide to how do not play musical instruments. Please proceed with caution.
We’re not sure that’s *quite* what Beethoven meant when he wrote “relaxed” in the interpretative directions…
Who signed this? We just want to talk.
An expression that comes in handy when you play the wrong note. Useful for blaming the person next to you.
The face you make when Pachelbel drops a nasty bass line.
“Yeah, I definitely practiced what you told me last week!”
This is your teacher’s exact expression whenever you show up without practicing. Believe us, they can tell.
… but ~*JaZz*~
The Fate of the Bumblebee
This posture cannot be good for his breath control.
“Look, Simba, everything the light touches is our kingdom…”
Pride Rock parallels aside, can anyone contact the stylist for this shoot? We have a lot of questions…
“Sooooo…do you know how to play that Gershwin gliss? *pops gum*”
He looks as uncomfortable as we do.
“Tell me this is a really big ONE violin. CONTINUED. TIME.”
*No cellos were harmed in the creation of this photo (we hope).
Weird place for a nap
Apparently, chin rests also make very comfortable pillows. Who knew?
Music for pit orchestra and wind instrument
A visual representation of how music directors see wind players.
The face of total defeat
When you’ve done nothing but train for weeks and still look like you’re blowing raspberries.
“Thanks very much”
Useful when tuning. If you’re terribly out of tune, frown at your instrument, then try again.
Don’t try this at home
Sure, finding time to work out can be tough, but it’s a multitasking combination that should never happen.
The most innovative performance space of 2019.
EADG… what now?
Open strings are fine, but we’re pretty sure your hands should be somewhere near the handle … right?
Have you ever been so hungry that you bit your violin? No? Just this guy then.
Strong flavors of maple wood and varnish, with subtle hints of tart rosin and a hint of dust.
*hears noise downstairs*
Disclaimer: We strongly discourage the use of musical instruments for self-defense. Violins, not violence.
David Atten-Bruch – duet for cello and birdsong.
Here we see the cello not at all in its natural habitat…
What, you mean you don’t wear sunglasses while you work out?
Because no rehearsal is complete without a pair of oversized sunglasses. Sure.
I wish I could undo that bowing technique (sorry).
Really though, if your teacher lets you get away with it, you need a new one ASAP.
“So…you just blew it up, right?”
Technology is advancing rapidly, but automatic clarinets aren’t here yet.
A true romantic tragedy of the 21st century
This double bass looks absolutely fine to us, but he looks rather upset. Either way, we’re here for you buddy.